I'll be ok - Sondre Lerche

I was looking at my limited song lists, thinking what to play.
What song to play to feel right, to make things be feel okay?
This song title seems obvious for an answer.

There is no sense in worrying about me cos' I don't think I would come across someone silly enough to do something really,really abnormal in times of emotional depression.
Sure I cried but I can go to sleep, eat, walk around and laugh still.
I used to think those are moments of disguise but it is actually the art of surviving under different situation callings. It would otherwise be pathetic to mop around like it is doomsday every other next second.

I have to emphasize that I do feel happy for my friends. I am not that saint & pure enough not to let their happiness rub in some pain for myself but I am genuinely happy for them.

And I am thankful for their kindness on me.
For instance, Fyn is kind to join me for a kids show thing which Jason conveniently forgot about it. (I know I sound resentful here but ok, I am not.)
Irene, I really do not know whether she is trying to cheer me up cos' I still feel bad towards it, wants to meet me for a late night movie after the Disney show.

I know my friends are willing to do much more if they can afford the time but I am grateful. I do not wish my own situation to mess up with theirs.

I have to do something about mine anyway. I think I know what to do. (Do I?)
I have to let Jason realises that this is NOT just another moment and I am weary to go through another of that again. I have to make him realise the problem between us and not let him walk away each time.
Yes, we have our happy moments but lately issues have been occuring too often that I do not feel happy for long.
While I never expect a relationship to be always lalala happy but it is odd to feel that we are in denial of something all the time.

I want to be with someone that I can give my all and it is all that I received.
I do not want Jason to tell me that he would try and asks me to try. To me, they all are just words and words can be forgottten.
If anything, I want him to prove it to me and really try to touch me this time round.

But question...Do I still want him or do I want someone else altogether? The whole idea of meeting someone new and really fall in love entices me very much. But I have to do it from a clean record.

Can I just declare myself as I am single and available once more? If Jason wants me, he should start by really putting an effort of winning my heart and not assuming that we would just meet every Saturday cos' we are in a relationship.

Never.
Assume.
Anything.

But I thought I could only declare so when I have finally have talk this with Jason. It is afterall like a respect to end this relationship or perhaps to give it a new start?
Jason, for all I know is never brave enough to talk his feelings to me. I doubt to anyone else.
Maybe I am assuming too. But that is what I know.

I don't know what kinda novelty is rubbing into me and where on earth have I get the notion from to start all these thinkings and make these decisions.
I don't know, really.

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Anyway...I have a long few hours to wander alone before meeting Fyn and a short few hours (also long) to wander alone before meeting Irene.
I really do not know what to do but perhaps just wander aimlessly, trying to be above all.

Well...I should do a picture post up next. Enough of my emo rants.

Ps:Did I just said recently that if I do another emo-post, I would be hang upside down?
Lucky I put a disclaimer (NOT) at the end of the sentence.
Phew.....